New Year, New Me (Do people still say that?)

In light of the new year approaching, I have been reflecting on this past year. I did a lot of things wrong, and I did some things right.

This year, I graduated from college in May. I attained a degree in elementary education from The University of Mississippi. Go Rebs!

January through May, I spent my time student teaching at an awesome school with the best clinical instructor!

May through August, I spent my time setting up my very first classroom. I got a job teaching 6th grade math which is quite comical because I started my college career as an English major. Maybe an english opportunity will present itself in the near future.

When I wasn't in the classroom, I was spending time on our little farm. My husband and I have a sweet little farm with goats, chickens, and cows.

I will make a separate blog introducing all the animals!

From August until now, I have spent my time teaching, and honestly, it has its ups and downs as with any job. There are aspects I absolutely love about my job, and I choose to focus on those when I get discouraged. As a first year teacher, there is a lot I still have to learn, and that is not easy for me. I want to be great as something the minute I start, but I realize that is not practical.

My husband and I also celebrated 3 years of marriage December 12th of this year. We had a covid wedding in 2020. I will talk about that more later.

Back to "New Year, New Me," every year, I see people create New Years' resolutions, and I avoid doing so because I have never been much of a crowd follower. This year, I have decided to have a resolution, but I am trying to call it something else. If I make a New Years' resolution, I feel like it won't last. In October of 2022, I made a goal to wakeup every morning at 5:00am, spend time in the Word, and workout. All this before getting ready for student teaching. This lasted from October of 2022 until March of 2023, but one day I decided to sleep in, and I have not done it again since.

I am about to be completely transparent with you. I am so disappointed in myself for the lack of discipline. I was starting my day in the best way. I was confident in my faith and in my body, but since March, I have found myself putting off spending time in God's Word. I wake up every day thinking I need to open my Bible, but instead, I open my phone and scroll on Facebook. I tell myself I'll read it before I go to bed, but at bedtime, I am too tired. I then put it off until tomorrow. Months of this behavior has caused me to lose my close relationship with God. I have found that I pray less when I am not in the Word. Just the other day, I was riding in the car, and I looked up at the clouds. It was the first time I had thought about God that day, and it was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I teared up thinking about how far from His presence I have strayed. According to man, I haven't done anything too bad. But, I have been creating distance between me and God. If I don't have a relationship with God, then what have I? He is the reason for every good thing. I sobbed at his feet many times this year thanking Him for his mercy and grace and asking Him to forgive me, but each time my mind immediately thought "get in the Word, and you won't feel this way". What has been keeping me from God's Word? Busyness. I can come up with so many excuses like: It's my first year teaching. I am overwhelmed and exhausted. What does the Bible say about this?

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."- Matthew 11:28

The Holy Spirit in me allows me to know I need to do better. I get so frustrated with myself because I know better, so why am I not doing better? It not only affects how I feel about myself, but I was also a happier homemaker when I was in His Word. I have felt like I was juggling home and work. It sometimes feels like I am drowning between the two, but I have my lovely procrastination habits to thank for that.

Hence, "New Year, New Me," but for real this time.

I will end with this prayer for you and me that are struggling with time management, and listening to the Holy Spirit.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your mercy and grace. I thank you for your unconditional love. I am overwhelmed by your sacrifice for me. You knew I would stray from you, but you died in my place anyways. You knew some would choose not to follow You, but You died in their place anyways. You died for those that hate you. You would have died if it were just You and me on this earth. That is a love I don't deserve. The least I can do is spend time with you. I know that, but I get distracted by the world. I want to be in your presence more Lord, in the coming year. I pray that you would give me discernment for the things not meant for Your good. Lord, shine Your light through me. I want to be a vessel for You. I love you and thank you Lord.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.